1st September 2013
It's 1:22 pm on a Sunday. I sense a nip of betterment in the air, probably because it's in me as well. Haha. It's funny. When I feel good, I think I sense good in everything around me. So even something as irritating as awaiting a bus for 15 minutes won't tear down my patience that otherwise is as fragile as limoges porcelain! Really, it's a strange thing - this tie between a feeling and the subsequent perception that it garbs your thoughts with.
You know - at times, I think feelings are as alive as life. In fact, each of them has a life of its own. They breathe, perhaps talk to each other, make housecalls, and go on vacations as well. Well, they might not be that fond of vacations, but they do seem alive enough to contemplate a holiday at least.
That they are as human as us struck me the other day when I accompanied Mother Dearest to the bazaar. I remember the day was as crisp and clear as a blue sky. Rays of the sun twinkled down through gaps in the branches of the trees that lined the lane to the main road. And I was so full of myself as if I was about to make a discovery small enough to be neglected by my neighbours but large enough for me to let it persist in my head.
We kept walking towards the main road. Mother was telling me about what she had to buy, and I was readying ways to avoid getting into an argument - something that has become a trademark of these outings these days. So, she talked and talked about this and that, and I paid as little attention to detail as I could. For when I do, I start to question the details, and that, more or less, lights up quite a fire.
We went on walking like this for around five minutes till we reached the main road. And then, as we turned to the left, I realized how difficult it is to control feelings and make them sit where I want them to. Rather, they control me. In my interactions with Mother, for example, I burn with irritation the moment we stumble on a step we don't want to climb up or down on in the same manner. Now I am not given to irritation for I am a human being who can think rationally. Yet, when that moment arrives, all my rationale vanishes into that ire the feeling brings. There's no stopping the act of being irritated.
There's no control. And that very lack of control is what makes me think feelings have a mind of their own - like teenagers who refuse to listen to any reasoning whatsoever. It's as if they intend to live independently and want the world to revolve around them. You must do as they say or think of various ways to distract yourself from their orders.
Well, with teenagers, ignoring helps. And you can avoid them completely when you see them materialize a few steps away from you.
But I daresay you can do all of that with feelings. For they appear out of nowhere and you realize you have had them after they have done what they want with you...
It's 1:22 pm on a Sunday. I sense a nip of betterment in the air, probably because it's in me as well. Haha. It's funny. When I feel good, I think I sense good in everything around me. So even something as irritating as awaiting a bus for 15 minutes won't tear down my patience that otherwise is as fragile as limoges porcelain! Really, it's a strange thing - this tie between a feeling and the subsequent perception that it garbs your thoughts with.
That they are as human as us struck me the other day when I accompanied Mother Dearest to the bazaar. I remember the day was as crisp and clear as a blue sky. Rays of the sun twinkled down through gaps in the branches of the trees that lined the lane to the main road. And I was so full of myself as if I was about to make a discovery small enough to be neglected by my neighbours but large enough for me to let it persist in my head.
We kept walking towards the main road. Mother was telling me about what she had to buy, and I was readying ways to avoid getting into an argument - something that has become a trademark of these outings these days. So, she talked and talked about this and that, and I paid as little attention to detail as I could. For when I do, I start to question the details, and that, more or less, lights up quite a fire.
There's no control. And that very lack of control is what makes me think feelings have a mind of their own - like teenagers who refuse to listen to any reasoning whatsoever. It's as if they intend to live independently and want the world to revolve around them. You must do as they say or think of various ways to distract yourself from their orders.
Well, with teenagers, ignoring helps. And you can avoid them completely when you see them materialize a few steps away from you.
But I daresay you can do all of that with feelings. For they appear out of nowhere and you realize you have had them after they have done what they want with you...
Comments