Starry Bluff

Date: 03rd August 2013

If media reports coupled with salacious photographs are to be believed, then two Bollywood sensations - actor Ranbir Kapoor and actress Katrina Kaif - have been caught together 'redhanded' somewhere on the beaches of Spain: he was without a shirt; and she, without a lot lot more. Apparently, Papa Rishi Kapoor and Mama Neetu Kapoor (parents of Ranbir Kapoor) are scandalized that their son has been up to all that.

If they were an ordinary family that lived in a pigeonhole of a 1 bedroom-hall-kitchen (BHK) near, say, Kanjur Marg or Mulund, I will have believed they were truly scandalized. But these are the Kapoors we are talking about. Scandal comes quite naturally to them. So that they are scandalized perplexes me.


Oh you don't believe me when I say scandal comes naturally to them? Well, let's examine the evidence.

• Long long long ago, there was Raj Kapoor and there was this lady named Nargis. Three dozen or more films later, everyone was quite sure they are not merely a screen couple. But of course, no one wanted to say much about it for those were the vintage decades. People believed in propriety even when their actions betrayed that sentiment. So, the whole damned thing died in the pages of film magazines and was left there for the next generation to read and speculate about.

• Then long long ago, there was Shammi Kapoor. He had had his heels way over his head the moment he saw Mumtaz. He pursued her around the sets they were shooting at. She said no. Some time later, they were both put up in the same hotel - both on different floors of course. He wanted to meet her. She said no. So, Shammi threw things out of his balcony yelling and asking her to come meet him. Mumtaz, even then, said no. Well, this happened during the vintage decades as well. So, Shammi gallantly gave up. But the flutter he caused was memorable enough for Stardust to carry this article in an issue I came across when I was in the sixth or seventh standard. 

• And long ago, there was Randhir Kapoor. He fell for actress Babita and decided to marry her. The Kapoors back then, because of some unwritten code of conduct, never married actress though they were allowed to - at least - flirt with them. Naturally then, father Raj Kapoor's blood boiled no end and it's my guess that it was the talk of the town in those days. Eventually, the Kapoor family gave in on the condition that Babita give up acting. Babita agreed and a few years later, along with Karisma and Kareena, came trouble as well. Randhir's career nosedived, he started to drink (alcohol that is), and he didn't quite care for the family he went against his father for. Finally, Babita, being the demanding spunky woman that she is, could not take it anymore and kicked Randhir out of the house. They did not divorce, just separated. 

• Then there was Papa Rishi Kapoor. My parents and yours as well as you and I know that a certain Dimple Kapadia was involved in what it was we will never know. At the end of it though, Rishi left Kapadia of the lovely hair and settled for Mama Neetu (then Singh) of the North Plains. 

• After that, not so many years ago, Karisma Kapoor coated Amitabh Bachchan's son, Abhishek Bachchan, got herself engaged to him, and then threw him and the engagement aside for Delhi-based industrialist Sanjay Kapur. Later, she got fed up of Sanjay too and came back to Bombay. The separation fiasco was all over town and the newspapers followed it everywhere it went. The matter went to court as well, and it took a judge to make the quarrelling duo hammer out an understanding - that lasted only for a while. They divorced in 2012. 

• Thereafter came Kareena Kapoor with her vibrant bubbly relationship with Shahid Kapur. And just as vibrantly, that vibe turned sour and the bubble burst. Both avoided each other, and went to great lengths to look 'perfectly normal' when either knew the other was around. One particular TV channel was so amused by them, it devoted an entire 10 minutes to analyse how smoothly Kareena had looked through Shahid as she walked past him at an awards ceremony! This 'perfectly normal' battle went on for a while till actor Saif Ali Khan stepped into the proceedings and married Kareena out of the whole mess. 

• And quite recently, Ranbir himself fell for, and then fell out with, Sonam Kapoor and Deepika Padukone in that order. Both the episodes left a whole lot of embers burning, and the media considered it a national pastime to ask both the ladies what exactly they thought about Ranbirji.
  Ideally, they should have just smiled and asked for the next question. But no, they let their tongues fly and the answers those actresses fed the media were enough fodder for at least one short piece on Page 3 every other day. Matters reached a rather scandalous point when the ladies appeared in the Koffee with Karan show and proceeded to disclose virtually everything they knew about Ranbir. I was in Bombay at that time, and practically no conversation at work, in the train, on the bus, and in college campuses could dice and slice the matter enough to comprehend why was there so much of gut spilled out and on air! Even my mother - who only worships the BBC - somehow picked up strands of the scandal!  

So then, to think that Mama and Papa Kapoor are furious about their son and the Kat seems a little silly. They have seen it all before so why pretend to be annoyed at all? It's not as if it has happened for the first time! From the evidence we just examined, they should have been well-equipped to make this part of their breakfast if not lunch or dinner!

And what's so scandalous about those photos anyway? Katrina has shaken her bosom and behind in all the possible suggestive ways prescribed by the Bollywood Manual of Style for dance numbers. She has also followed the chapter on risqué dress and style religiously and consequently, left virtually nothing to anyone's imagination. That the photos confirm what we already had an imagination of is hardly a volcanic scoop!

As for Ranbir Kapoor, well, Bollywood fans (and their kith and kin) have seen him shirtless before. And they have seen him sans a towel as well. So, it's nothing extraordinary to see him in a rather ugly three-fourth!

Of course, they can also hug and kiss and do whatever they wish to. Both are adults and old enough to consent to what they want to. So, exclaiming 'Aah! Look what they are up to!" is not exactly the kind of reaction any sane man or woman is interested in putting on. They can they do just as they please: Neither is bound by any contract nor by any sense of duty to be role models for people in love!

Anyway, all said and done, I think the whole episode might be a PR exercise for maximum media coverage. Katrina has a movie coming up - the Hritik Roshan starrer Bang Bang. And Ranbir has one too - aptly titled Besharam (Shameless). What's more! Papa and Mama Kapoor act alongside him as well. So, what better way, and what better incident, to whip up than this one to generate reams of speculation, publicity, and articles such as this one.

By the time the whole nation starts to talk about it, Besharam will have released. So, people will definitely go watch that. An initial collection - and a decently rich one at that - is thus guaranteed. And by the time its sensation starts to wane, Bang Bang will have released as well and Katrina will have got a bumper opening in the bargain.

So, as you may have noticed, they all win from this scandal. The only ones who lose are the cinema goers: Their curiosity is bound to get the better of their pockets and put it all into the box office revenue!