The day was pretty unusual: I hadn't missed my bus, hadn't reached late, and hadn't a terrible workload to deal with either. So, to balance this rather swell set of happenings, I called up Veronica.
Veronica is this woman who will never forget anything - not even a slight you made three or four years ago. I remember the first time I met her, I had decided I was not to pretend to avoid her for I had no interest in pretending at all. I just wanted to avoid her. She was pretty - even back then - and she realized she had this uncanny knack of getting any man to do anything for her. Well, not all men succumbed to her eyelashes, but many - who mattered - did. Naturally then, Veronica had a field day at work getting everyone to do just as she wanted them to: She got the new employees - all men of course - to bring her coffee, batted her eyelashes to get a raise, and almost always ensured her desk was where every reckless young man made his way to.
A small group of wise women knew they had to stay away from her and that's exactly what they did: They would smile at her, say hi hello, and acknowledge her. But beyond that, there was never a word of conversation.
However, the rest of the female populace in the office took a strong exception to this sexy volcano. Some made their disgust very evident with their eyes. Some used their tongues, and some - the highly advanced cunning vixens (as she termed them) - befriended her and then tried to stab her in the back. But stabbing Veronica in the back is akin to punching a boxer in his abdomen: You know you'll have a heavy price to pay and just have to count your days until the price is made known to you. Veronica did that to all of them - with a million-dollar smile to boot, and managed to emerge unscathed out of the entire catfight.
I observed all of this and it was rather amusing to see how she flicked her hair and got the manager to follow her to her desk. I noticed how she ticked off the 'vixens' and it was hilarious to see her pack them off with a piece of her mind served with a lot of sugar to help them cope with its bitter crust. And amidst all this observation and noticing, I began to like her style.
Well, we began talking - we didn't date though - and by the time I resigned, we were thick friends. So that day - three years after we got to know each other - as I sat amused by the sheer correctness of the events of the day, I knew I had to call her to usurp it all and thus, balance the equation.
I dialled her number and a lazy voice .
"Well what is it?"
"Oh I just called to say hi hello," I said.
"Really now? I am sure you are lying. There's always something when you call."
"Oh believe me - there's nothing at all. How have you been?"
She hemmed and hawwed and "Oh I have been okay," she said as if that was the only line available to her at the moment.
"Okay? You can never be only okay."
"Why? What makes you say that?"
"Well, between the two of us, you are the celebrity."
That was enough for her to sprinkle her delightful laugh into her receiver.
"Oh you are always the flatterer! You're so good at it."
"Oh come on! Who's the one flying off to Israel? You. Who's the one spending time in Goa? You."
"The trip to Israel was part of the holy land trip."
"Well whatever it is, at least you go on trips. I don't even get to do that."
"And whose fault is it? You never want to disrupt your routine."
"Well-"
"Yes yes, I know! You're regimented and all that. You just don't have a life, do you?"
That was sad but true. And I had to agree with a: "Ya ya, say what you want to."
"Haha! So what's new with you?"
"Well nothing. I was just so bored. So I thought I'd call."
"Well, look - let's meet up."
"Okay sure! What time and where?"
"Oh the usual."
"All right. See you then."
---
I was, as usually is the case when I have to meet Veronica, sitting at The CCD in Bandra. And as usual, she walked in half an hour late. There was no point taking her to task. By then, Veronica was synonymous with late arrivals: It was taken for granted - just like a theorem that no one wants to prove wrong.
"So," I said, as I brushed aside my observation of she proving the theorem right again, "how have you been?"
"Well, let's order."
"Okay."
We ordered and then she shut up. This was an indication that:
I took a deep breath for I knew she was about to launch into her narrative, but no narrative came out of her mouth for a minute. Instead, she just sat there looked at the sea, then looked at me, removed her goggles, crossed her legs, uncrossed them, and tapped impatiently on the table. Finally, as this behaviour began to baffle me, she barked: "You haven't asked me yet. How can you be so mean? You ALWAYS ask, don't you?"
"Oh that!" I said as I remembered she always loved to be asked, "Well, what happened?"
And as I asked that, she simmered down and sat like a schoolgirl and "People no?" she said, with irritation all over her lips, "They can be really irritating!"
"Irritating? Why why?"
"They don't even come and tell."
"Yes, but that depends on what do you want them to tell."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if you want to know about, say, their sex lives, I doubt they'll walk upto you and describe what they did last night."
"Oh shut up! You know I am not talking about that!"
"Well, that was just a guess. I am always wrong."
"Oh it's about Sabina."
"Sabina? Who's Sabina now?"
"Sabina man! You don't know Sabina?"
"No."
"She's the one who sat next to you, remember? The Lady Sugar?"
"Oh that Sabina!"
Sabina was this really really fair lass who coated all she had to say with "Dear!", "Darling!", and other such similar terms. I remember Veronica had a tiff with her, but I couldn't quite recollect the specifics of that quarrel.
"Oh okay! That Sabina! Yes, I remember her."
"She's seeing Shawn!"
"Shawn!?"
"Yes, and that too all behind my back!"
"You don't expect them to make love in front of your back, do you?"
"Will you not crack jokes, please? I am so much in pain here and you are laughing!"
"Well, what can I do?"
"At least say something I'd like to hear?"
"Oh okay: So sad my dear! I feel so sorry for you - but wait a second! Didn't you and Shawn break up ages ago?!"
"That's not exactly what I wanted to hear. But, yes we did."
"So? Why are you bothered about it?"
"Because no one came and told me."
"Haha! Veronica! What do you think you are? I doubt even the Queen wants to know that they are dating! And you are all whiney that they didn't tell you?"
"Well, at least one of them should have come and told me! Both kept denying despite I hinting as much."
"Oh! That is sad. Wonder why they kept it such a big secret?"
"Well, they know what a big mouthpiece you are!"
"Excuse me! I am not a mouthpiece! Sabina is."
"Well, let's say you are a degree less a mouthpiece than she is!"
"Tch! You are incorrugated."
"Incorrigible you mean?"
"Yes yes! That only!"
"But I don't understand what's troubling you? That they are dating? Or you did not know?"
"Well, the latter."
I rolled my eyes.
"Does it matter?" I said as I sipped my mango smoothie, "You don't need to know everything you know."
"Oh it does! The whole office knew!"
"So what if the whole office knew? Did they deny you a raise just because you didn't know?"
"Oh," she said, a little amused as if that had never struck her, "if you put it like that, I doubt it's that bad, is it?"
"Well, fact of the matter is that it isn't anything at all."
"Oh yes, but at least he should have told me no?"
"Well, what do you expect from someone who was not told he has been dumped until he finds a certain someone SMSing lovey-dovey nothings to another someone?"
"Fine! You made your point."
"Haha, let's have the brownie then!"
"But of course! I'd never let anything come between me and the brownie."
And that's exactly how it was: We dug into the brownie and she completely forgot that -15 minutes ago - she was in agony over a piece of news, which was of no spectacular consequence whatsoever.
Veronica is this woman who will never forget anything - not even a slight you made three or four years ago. I remember the first time I met her, I had decided I was not to pretend to avoid her for I had no interest in pretending at all. I just wanted to avoid her. She was pretty - even back then - and she realized she had this uncanny knack of getting any man to do anything for her. Well, not all men succumbed to her eyelashes, but many - who mattered - did. Naturally then, Veronica had a field day at work getting everyone to do just as she wanted them to: She got the new employees - all men of course - to bring her coffee, batted her eyelashes to get a raise, and almost always ensured her desk was where every reckless young man made his way to.
A small group of wise women knew they had to stay away from her and that's exactly what they did: They would smile at her, say hi hello, and acknowledge her. But beyond that, there was never a word of conversation.
However, the rest of the female populace in the office took a strong exception to this sexy volcano. Some made their disgust very evident with their eyes. Some used their tongues, and some - the highly advanced cunning vixens (as she termed them) - befriended her and then tried to stab her in the back. But stabbing Veronica in the back is akin to punching a boxer in his abdomen: You know you'll have a heavy price to pay and just have to count your days until the price is made known to you. Veronica did that to all of them - with a million-dollar smile to boot, and managed to emerge unscathed out of the entire catfight.
I observed all of this and it was rather amusing to see how she flicked her hair and got the manager to follow her to her desk. I noticed how she ticked off the 'vixens' and it was hilarious to see her pack them off with a piece of her mind served with a lot of sugar to help them cope with its bitter crust. And amidst all this observation and noticing, I began to like her style.
Well, we began talking - we didn't date though - and by the time I resigned, we were thick friends. So that day - three years after we got to know each other - as I sat amused by the sheer correctness of the events of the day, I knew I had to call her to usurp it all and thus, balance the equation.
I dialled her number and a lazy voice .
"Well what is it?"
"Oh I just called to say hi hello," I said.
"Really now? I am sure you are lying. There's always something when you call."
"Oh believe me - there's nothing at all. How have you been?"
She hemmed and hawwed and "Oh I have been okay," she said as if that was the only line available to her at the moment.
"Okay? You can never be only okay."
"Why? What makes you say that?"
"Well, between the two of us, you are the celebrity."
That was enough for her to sprinkle her delightful laugh into her receiver.
"Oh you are always the flatterer! You're so good at it."
"Oh come on! Who's the one flying off to Israel? You. Who's the one spending time in Goa? You."
"The trip to Israel was part of the holy land trip."
"Well whatever it is, at least you go on trips. I don't even get to do that."
"And whose fault is it? You never want to disrupt your routine."
"Well-"
"Yes yes, I know! You're regimented and all that. You just don't have a life, do you?"
That was sad but true. And I had to agree with a: "Ya ya, say what you want to."
"Haha! So what's new with you?"
"Well nothing. I was just so bored. So I thought I'd call."
"Well, look - let's meet up."
"Okay sure! What time and where?"
"Oh the usual."
"All right. See you then."
---
I was, as usually is the case when I have to meet Veronica, sitting at The CCD in Bandra. And as usual, she walked in half an hour late. There was no point taking her to task. By then, Veronica was synonymous with late arrivals: It was taken for granted - just like a theorem that no one wants to prove wrong.
"So," I said, as I brushed aside my observation of she proving the theorem right again, "how have you been?"
"Well, let's order."
"Okay."
We ordered and then she shut up. This was an indication that:
- A storm had broken out not too long ago.
- The storm concerned one of her love interests.
- And that the storm had been bravely weathered - either the love interest was dumped or the lover interest dumped her seconds before she was to dump him.
I took a deep breath for I knew she was about to launch into her narrative, but no narrative came out of her mouth for a minute. Instead, she just sat there looked at the sea, then looked at me, removed her goggles, crossed her legs, uncrossed them, and tapped impatiently on the table. Finally, as this behaviour began to baffle me, she barked: "You haven't asked me yet. How can you be so mean? You ALWAYS ask, don't you?"
"Oh that!" I said as I remembered she always loved to be asked, "Well, what happened?"
And as I asked that, she simmered down and sat like a schoolgirl and "People no?" she said, with irritation all over her lips, "They can be really irritating!"
"Irritating? Why why?"
"They don't even come and tell."
"Yes, but that depends on what do you want them to tell."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if you want to know about, say, their sex lives, I doubt they'll walk upto you and describe what they did last night."
"Oh shut up! You know I am not talking about that!"
"Well, that was just a guess. I am always wrong."
"Oh it's about Sabina."
"Sabina? Who's Sabina now?"
"Sabina man! You don't know Sabina?"
"No."
"She's the one who sat next to you, remember? The Lady Sugar?"
"Oh that Sabina!"
Sabina was this really really fair lass who coated all she had to say with "Dear!", "Darling!", and other such similar terms. I remember Veronica had a tiff with her, but I couldn't quite recollect the specifics of that quarrel.
"Oh okay! That Sabina! Yes, I remember her."
"She's seeing Shawn!"
"Shawn!?"
"Yes, and that too all behind my back!"
"You don't expect them to make love in front of your back, do you?"
"Will you not crack jokes, please? I am so much in pain here and you are laughing!"
"Well, what can I do?"
"At least say something I'd like to hear?"
"Oh okay: So sad my dear! I feel so sorry for you - but wait a second! Didn't you and Shawn break up ages ago?!"
"That's not exactly what I wanted to hear. But, yes we did."
"So? Why are you bothered about it?"
"Because no one came and told me."
"Haha! Veronica! What do you think you are? I doubt even the Queen wants to know that they are dating! And you are all whiney that they didn't tell you?"
"Well, at least one of them should have come and told me! Both kept denying despite I hinting as much."
"Oh! That is sad. Wonder why they kept it such a big secret?"
"Well, they know what a big mouthpiece you are!"
"Excuse me! I am not a mouthpiece! Sabina is."
"Well, let's say you are a degree less a mouthpiece than she is!"
"Tch! You are incorrugated."
"Incorrigible you mean?"
"Yes yes! That only!"
"But I don't understand what's troubling you? That they are dating? Or you did not know?"
"Well, the latter."
I rolled my eyes.
"Does it matter?" I said as I sipped my mango smoothie, "You don't need to know everything you know."
"Oh it does! The whole office knew!"
"So what if the whole office knew? Did they deny you a raise just because you didn't know?"
"Oh," she said, a little amused as if that had never struck her, "if you put it like that, I doubt it's that bad, is it?"
"Well, fact of the matter is that it isn't anything at all."
"Oh yes, but at least he should have told me no?"
"Well, what do you expect from someone who was not told he has been dumped until he finds a certain someone SMSing lovey-dovey nothings to another someone?"
"Fine! You made your point."
"Haha, let's have the brownie then!"
"But of course! I'd never let anything come between me and the brownie."
And that's exactly how it was: We dug into the brownie and she completely forgot that -15 minutes ago - she was in agony over a piece of news, which was of no spectacular consequence whatsoever.
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