I walked out of the company premises and decided - as usual - to walk to the station. Andheri is no place that believes in serving its inhabitants or the employees who work there. Instead, it thinks it has done us all a service by allowing us to walk about and use its space.
So, it cares nothing about transport, about the traffic jams, and least of all about bridges. Anyway, I brushed aside its snub and kept walking. I had a friend to meet this Friday and I was not in a mood to allow anything to come in the way.
I walked past Tunga Paradise, then Tunga International, and sprinted towards Chakala Junction. Since Chakala more or less seems to be very keen on collapsing and dying any moment, I always make it a point to say a prayer for it at the Holy Family Church, located at the junction itself. Of course, I pray for myself too. After all, there's no point complaining about Mumbai to a Divine Authority and not putting a word or three about the state of your own affairs. Well, that's exactly what I did when I reached Chakala Junction.
Three minutes later, I dealt with the signal that followed. And another 10 minutes later, I was at the station. This friend of mine was to meet me at Fame Adlabs, Andheri - West. So obviously I had to cross over and the station stood in my way.
Now, I was very tired. I was very very tired. You know how it is after you finish work on a Friday evening. Your legs insist on going home, your hands insist on catching the train or bus home, but you still want to sit and gossip with a friend or two. So well, I had the same intention and this dirty not-so-little station would just not move and make things easy.
So I realized I had to take one of the bridges. Andheri station has - I think - three bridges. One at the Virar-end of the platforms(Bridge 1), one in the middle (Bridge 2), and another at the Churchgate-end (Bridge 3). The first two always have a TC around. The last one, the railway authorities think is used by decent people and so, no TC wanders there. I decided to take that bridge.
I climbed the stairs, got onto the bridge, got down from the stairs at the west end and lo and behold! A TC was what my eyes caught. I had inadvertently taken Bridge 2. And there was no going back. So I decided to battle it out.
TCs usually catch you on the basis of your gaze. If your eyes look through them, they'll never apprehend you. And so, I looked straight through him. That was - to put it mildly - a big mistake! The TC looked right through me, raised a hand and asked for my ticket.
"Ticket?"
"Yes, ticket please."
"I have coupons but I haven't punched them."
"Show me."
I showed him.
"You realize they are not valid then, do you?"
"Yes, but I was about to punch them."
"Please come this way," he said and I followed him.
I wasn't ashamed. Nor was I even that bothered to argue. However, I must admit that when I got to the TC's office, for a split second, my legs wanted to run away. But I didn't. Instead, I took a good look at its occupants that evening.
To my left, sat a bevy of beauties - all dressed as if they are about to attend a Page 3 party. To my right, sat this heavy stony TC who evidently took no interest in his job. He had a receipt book with him and I daresay he loved reading its contents.
The beauties were in no mood to pay anything at all. The lady TC who was handling them yelled and raved and ranted, but that did nothing to their eye linings nor their mascara. On the contrary, they yelled back and made it quite clear that they were not to be taken for a ride, never mind the fact that they were the ones in the wrong.
While I observed how stubborn all those ladies were, the TC who caught me referred me to the TC-in-charge.
"So you have not punched your coupons," he said after he had heard it all from my apprehender.
"Well, I wanted to. But that place was so crowded."
"You came from Andheri East to Andheri West to punch coupons?"
"Well, I just got down from the bus and took the bridge. And there's so much of a crowd that side. I could not punch it there."
"So you came this side to punch it? Well you could have punched it there itself."
"But there was no place there."
"A bus arrives every two minutes there. Do you expect me to believe that everyone gets down and runs over to Andheri West to book tickets?"
"Well, I don't know about them. I am talking about myself."
"Of course of course. But why didn't you punch them there rather than climbing the bridge and coming all the way here where it's equally crowded?"
I had half my mind on twisting his tongue with a pincer. The other half wanted me to slap him left, right, and centre, and punch him in his misters. But well, I am a law-abiding citizen - who just cannot try the other side of the law without being caught: So I played the tape all over again.
"Oh," I said, "there was so much of a crowd there. I could not."
"Well, you will have to pay for this then."
"Well," I said, "That's sad for I always book a ticket. And it's not like I am running away from you right now."
"No no," he said, his tone very apologetic yet firm all the same, "but you see unfortunately, we are checking today."
It was a lost battle and I was getting late. So I pretended to be the one who's wronged and asked: "How much is it?"
"254. Oh but you are going where now?"
"Dadar," I lied as my tongue wanted to use the choicest Greek and Latin I knew!
"Oh then I can add the fare for that in the fine receipt itself."
"No," I said, "thank you."
"Okay. Do you have four rupees change?"
"No!" I barked, "I don't."
"Okay. So sorry but it cannot be helped!"
"Yes yes I barked yet again, I know. You guys will never help."
He didn't snap back and left the office. In the meantime, the TC who caught me began to make a receipt and I thought it best to spew whatever I had in my head right on him. So, as he asked me for my signature, I made a sour face and tried to look as much as a villain as I could. Which is not much, but then I tried. And to add the definitive touch, I raised my voice.
"Where do I sign?" I roared.
"Here!"
"Okay!"
I signed and he tore the receipt and gave it to me.
In turn, I took it and slapped it on the table. "Keep it with you," I sneered, "Such an asshole you are!"
And I walked out of the station to catch the 235 to Fame Adlabs.
So, it cares nothing about transport, about the traffic jams, and least of all about bridges. Anyway, I brushed aside its snub and kept walking. I had a friend to meet this Friday and I was not in a mood to allow anything to come in the way.
I walked past Tunga Paradise, then Tunga International, and sprinted towards Chakala Junction. Since Chakala more or less seems to be very keen on collapsing and dying any moment, I always make it a point to say a prayer for it at the Holy Family Church, located at the junction itself. Of course, I pray for myself too. After all, there's no point complaining about Mumbai to a Divine Authority and not putting a word or three about the state of your own affairs. Well, that's exactly what I did when I reached Chakala Junction.
Three minutes later, I dealt with the signal that followed. And another 10 minutes later, I was at the station. This friend of mine was to meet me at Fame Adlabs, Andheri - West. So obviously I had to cross over and the station stood in my way.
Now, I was very tired. I was very very tired. You know how it is after you finish work on a Friday evening. Your legs insist on going home, your hands insist on catching the train or bus home, but you still want to sit and gossip with a friend or two. So well, I had the same intention and this dirty not-so-little station would just not move and make things easy.
So I realized I had to take one of the bridges. Andheri station has - I think - three bridges. One at the Virar-end of the platforms(Bridge 1), one in the middle (Bridge 2), and another at the Churchgate-end (Bridge 3). The first two always have a TC around. The last one, the railway authorities think is used by decent people and so, no TC wanders there. I decided to take that bridge.
I climbed the stairs, got onto the bridge, got down from the stairs at the west end and lo and behold! A TC was what my eyes caught. I had inadvertently taken Bridge 2. And there was no going back. So I decided to battle it out.
TCs usually catch you on the basis of your gaze. If your eyes look through them, they'll never apprehend you. And so, I looked straight through him. That was - to put it mildly - a big mistake! The TC looked right through me, raised a hand and asked for my ticket.
"Ticket?"
"Yes, ticket please."
"I have coupons but I haven't punched them."
"Show me."
I showed him.
"You realize they are not valid then, do you?"
"Yes, but I was about to punch them."
"Please come this way," he said and I followed him.
I wasn't ashamed. Nor was I even that bothered to argue. However, I must admit that when I got to the TC's office, for a split second, my legs wanted to run away. But I didn't. Instead, I took a good look at its occupants that evening.
To my left, sat a bevy of beauties - all dressed as if they are about to attend a Page 3 party. To my right, sat this heavy stony TC who evidently took no interest in his job. He had a receipt book with him and I daresay he loved reading its contents.
The beauties were in no mood to pay anything at all. The lady TC who was handling them yelled and raved and ranted, but that did nothing to their eye linings nor their mascara. On the contrary, they yelled back and made it quite clear that they were not to be taken for a ride, never mind the fact that they were the ones in the wrong.
While I observed how stubborn all those ladies were, the TC who caught me referred me to the TC-in-charge.
"So you have not punched your coupons," he said after he had heard it all from my apprehender.
"Well, I wanted to. But that place was so crowded."
"You came from Andheri East to Andheri West to punch coupons?"
"Well, I just got down from the bus and took the bridge. And there's so much of a crowd that side. I could not punch it there."
"So you came this side to punch it? Well you could have punched it there itself."
"But there was no place there."
"A bus arrives every two minutes there. Do you expect me to believe that everyone gets down and runs over to Andheri West to book tickets?"
"Well, I don't know about them. I am talking about myself."
"Of course of course. But why didn't you punch them there rather than climbing the bridge and coming all the way here where it's equally crowded?"
I had half my mind on twisting his tongue with a pincer. The other half wanted me to slap him left, right, and centre, and punch him in his misters. But well, I am a law-abiding citizen - who just cannot try the other side of the law without being caught: So I played the tape all over again.
"Oh," I said, "there was so much of a crowd there. I could not."
"Well, you will have to pay for this then."
"Well," I said, "That's sad for I always book a ticket. And it's not like I am running away from you right now."
"No no," he said, his tone very apologetic yet firm all the same, "but you see unfortunately, we are checking today."
It was a lost battle and I was getting late. So I pretended to be the one who's wronged and asked: "How much is it?"
"254. Oh but you are going where now?"
"Dadar," I lied as my tongue wanted to use the choicest Greek and Latin I knew!
"Oh then I can add the fare for that in the fine receipt itself."
"No," I said, "thank you."
"Okay. Do you have four rupees change?"
"No!" I barked, "I don't."
"Okay. So sorry but it cannot be helped!"
"Yes yes I barked yet again, I know. You guys will never help."
He didn't snap back and left the office. In the meantime, the TC who caught me began to make a receipt and I thought it best to spew whatever I had in my head right on him. So, as he asked me for my signature, I made a sour face and tried to look as much as a villain as I could. Which is not much, but then I tried. And to add the definitive touch, I raised my voice.
"Where do I sign?" I roared.
"Here!"
"Okay!"
I signed and he tore the receipt and gave it to me.
In turn, I took it and slapped it on the table. "Keep it with you," I sneered, "Such an asshole you are!"
And I walked out of the station to catch the 235 to Fame Adlabs.
Comments
I once evaded a TC by pretending to trip and fall. Dont know how it worked, but it worked! He helped me up and let me walk off. :)