"It all began one stormy night."
"No I don't think that's how it began."
"You have a better idea about how it began eh?"
"Well yes. You see I was there when it all began."
"Alright. Okay. Tell me how it began."
"Just like this. You in this mood to argue and she was in this mood to get you to shut up."
"But it was a stormy-"
"-What stormy night are you talking of? It was hot. It was a week back. And it was four 'o' clock in the afternoon."
"How the hell do you know that?"
"I sat in the hall when you two were arguing."
"Oh yes. But how come you were in the hall? It was just the two of us."
"I sat in a hall that I can safely say was part of my apartment. You called me an hour after your healthy discussion decided to cascade into an unhealthy debate."
"Oh yes, how could I forget that?"
"Oh it's easy. It's as easy as forgetting a hot afternoon and replacing it with a stormy night."
"Alright alright. But the argument wasn't my fault."
"Sure. It was hers."
"You are actually taking my side?"
"You actually think I was?"
"Well, you know the story."
"You mean your side of the story?"
"You are asking too many questions."
"Am I?"
"Look - it was her fault okay, not mine."
"Alright, let's see. This is what you told me."
----
His story:
Actually, I should not have asked that question. I don't know what made me ask that.
Perhaps, the timing of the question was wrong too. But I don't know for sure whether the timing was wrong though. I could have asked the same question in the dead of night and she would have slapped me with the same answer.
Well, before I tell you the answer, I need to tell you the question. The question - or two three of them - slipped out of my mouth as we sat at the table for tea.
"So you've read the book, haven't you?"
"Oh yes, I know it by heart."
The book was on its face and its back cover had a number of questions.
"So," I said, as I sipped my tea, "if you know it by heart, can you tell me the answer to the last question here?"
"Well, why don't you read the book?"
"But you know the answer. You said you have it by heart."
"So?"
"So tell me the answer to this question here: Why women need love and men need sex?"
The question slipped out of my mouth as quietly as a question does from the mouth of a tiny tot. It hovered around the table, took a good look at the tea cups, and then decided to get into her ears. The moment it did that, I realized I had detonated a bomb.
In the explosion that she let loose on me, there was:
"How dare you ask me that?"
"You have no shame to ask me this?" and
"You need to go for a retreat."
I had no problem with the first two sentences. But the last sentence blew my patience away and also managed to blow my fuse.
"How dare you say that to me?" I yelled, "just because I ask you this? What about the time when others ask you this?"
"Well, I don't talk to them about this."
"Really? That is why you accepted that silly Girl Talk book from that bloody cousin of yours."
That she did not reply to. She kept quiet. And that made my blood boil all the more.
"Alright. Fine," I said, "I am not gonna be forced into any concerts anymore."
"Fine."
"Okay, I am not coming for that stupid concert on the 17th of November."
"Alright."
And we were quiet again.
But this was too light an argument for my appetite. So I thundered on about how:
I then walked into the kitchen and threw my bowl in the basin. That made a lot of noise and since, I like noise so much, I decided to walk back into the hall and thunder a little more.
This time I attacked my relatives: "Just because they go for retreats doesn't mean it's a fashionable fad that I am gonna fall for. It took them so much time to find God. I found Him long back. I would sit on the front bench for Mass. I now read and sing at Church. I know Jesus is the Son of God. I know the Holy Spirit is part of the Trinity. I don't need 5 days of silence to teach me that! Besides, how do you know they don't talk rubbish now?"
They evidently didn't for they all just kept quiet.
"Remember one thing," I said, "it's very easy to live two lives in Mumbai. Nobody will find out for nobody knows."
They did not know what to say to that either. So they kept quiet yet again.
Now to say so much and look violent as well requires a lot of effort. And for all that effort, you need energy too. I had not one bit of it left after this marathon sermon. So I pretended to be at a loss of words and sat in the bedroom.
----
"Oh yes, that is exactly what happened."
"The whole episode is so silly."
"Silly? What do you mean - silly?"
"I mean stupid. Inane. Makes no sense at all."
"What do you mean - makes no sense at all?"
"Well, all you had to do was not get bothered. But no, you have this big temper that you just have to pamper to. And this big big ego that you have to cater to. All this catering and pampering is gonna take you nowhere."
"Listen listen okay? She actually told me I needed to go to a retreat."
"So? You have told so many to go to hell. If they all take you that seriously, you would have been in hell now you know."
"That - that is not what I wanted to hear."
"I know. I know. You want me to take your side.You want me to say: Poor you. Everyone seems to be picking on you. etc etc."
"Oh yes I so want to hear that."
"Yes, but you can find someone else to tell you that. You are not gonna dictate lines to me. Either take that or do without."
"I think-"
"-yes?"
"I think I am gonna go shopping now."
"Sure. You might find some mannequins you might wanna buy. They'll do as you wish."
"Alright. Fine. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Sure."
"Bye."
"Happy shopping."
The door shut with so much of noise, there was hardly any music in it.
"No I don't think that's how it began."
"You have a better idea about how it began eh?"
"Well yes. You see I was there when it all began."
"Alright. Okay. Tell me how it began."
"Just like this. You in this mood to argue and she was in this mood to get you to shut up."
"But it was a stormy-"
"-What stormy night are you talking of? It was hot. It was a week back. And it was four 'o' clock in the afternoon."
"How the hell do you know that?"
"I sat in the hall when you two were arguing."
"Oh yes. But how come you were in the hall? It was just the two of us."
"I sat in a hall that I can safely say was part of my apartment. You called me an hour after your healthy discussion decided to cascade into an unhealthy debate."
"Oh yes, how could I forget that?"
"Oh it's easy. It's as easy as forgetting a hot afternoon and replacing it with a stormy night."
"Alright alright. But the argument wasn't my fault."
"Sure. It was hers."
"You are actually taking my side?"
"You actually think I was?"
"Well, you know the story."
"You mean your side of the story?"
"You are asking too many questions."
"Am I?"
"Look - it was her fault okay, not mine."
"Alright, let's see. This is what you told me."
----
His story:
Actually, I should not have asked that question. I don't know what made me ask that.
Perhaps, the timing of the question was wrong too. But I don't know for sure whether the timing was wrong though. I could have asked the same question in the dead of night and she would have slapped me with the same answer.
Well, before I tell you the answer, I need to tell you the question. The question - or two three of them - slipped out of my mouth as we sat at the table for tea.
"So you've read the book, haven't you?"
"Oh yes, I know it by heart."
The book was on its face and its back cover had a number of questions.
"So," I said, as I sipped my tea, "if you know it by heart, can you tell me the answer to the last question here?"
"Well, why don't you read the book?"
"But you know the answer. You said you have it by heart."
"So?"
"So tell me the answer to this question here: Why women need love and men need sex?"
The question slipped out of my mouth as quietly as a question does from the mouth of a tiny tot. It hovered around the table, took a good look at the tea cups, and then decided to get into her ears. The moment it did that, I realized I had detonated a bomb.
In the explosion that she let loose on me, there was:
"How dare you ask me that?"
"You have no shame to ask me this?" and
"You need to go for a retreat."
I had no problem with the first two sentences. But the last sentence blew my patience away and also managed to blow my fuse.
"How dare you say that to me?" I yelled, "just because I ask you this? What about the time when others ask you this?"
"Well, I don't talk to them about this."
"Really? That is why you accepted that silly Girl Talk book from that bloody cousin of yours."
That she did not reply to. She kept quiet. And that made my blood boil all the more.
"Alright. Fine," I said, "I am not gonna be forced into any concerts anymore."
"Fine."
"Okay, I am not coming for that stupid concert on the 17th of November."
"Alright."
And we were quiet again.
But this was too light an argument for my appetite. So I thundered on about how:
- I don't believe in this hocus pocus.
- I think I don't need 250000 volts of high-voltage holy punk rock concerts to get me close to God.
I then walked into the kitchen and threw my bowl in the basin. That made a lot of noise and since, I like noise so much, I decided to walk back into the hall and thunder a little more.
This time I attacked my relatives: "Just because they go for retreats doesn't mean it's a fashionable fad that I am gonna fall for. It took them so much time to find God. I found Him long back. I would sit on the front bench for Mass. I now read and sing at Church. I know Jesus is the Son of God. I know the Holy Spirit is part of the Trinity. I don't need 5 days of silence to teach me that! Besides, how do you know they don't talk rubbish now?"
They evidently didn't for they all just kept quiet.
"Remember one thing," I said, "it's very easy to live two lives in Mumbai. Nobody will find out for nobody knows."
They did not know what to say to that either. So they kept quiet yet again.
Now to say so much and look violent as well requires a lot of effort. And for all that effort, you need energy too. I had not one bit of it left after this marathon sermon. So I pretended to be at a loss of words and sat in the bedroom.
----
"Oh yes, that is exactly what happened."
"The whole episode is so silly."
"Silly? What do you mean - silly?"
"I mean stupid. Inane. Makes no sense at all."
"What do you mean - makes no sense at all?"
"Well, all you had to do was not get bothered. But no, you have this big temper that you just have to pamper to. And this big big ego that you have to cater to. All this catering and pampering is gonna take you nowhere."
"Listen listen okay? She actually told me I needed to go to a retreat."
"So? You have told so many to go to hell. If they all take you that seriously, you would have been in hell now you know."
"That - that is not what I wanted to hear."
"I know. I know. You want me to take your side.You want me to say: Poor you. Everyone seems to be picking on you. etc etc."
"Oh yes I so want to hear that."
"Yes, but you can find someone else to tell you that. You are not gonna dictate lines to me. Either take that or do without."
"I think-"
"-yes?"
"I think I am gonna go shopping now."
"Sure. You might find some mannequins you might wanna buy. They'll do as you wish."
"Alright. Fine. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Sure."
"Bye."
"Happy shopping."
The door shut with so much of noise, there was hardly any music in it.
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